At least once a year or so I buy a new appointment book.
I wake up one day and decide I have had enough of living my unorganized, crazy life and I am going to pull it together. I decide I am going to be like those women who always look “put together”, and who are always on time, smell lightly perfumed, and whose purses never have cookie crumbs at the bottom.
I will keep my house clean, and I will prepare weekly menus for all our meals. I will answer all my emails, and I will even make time to send off at least one “real” letter to somebody each week. Maybe I will even volunteer somewhere. I decide I am finally ready to become “the woman who can do it all, and have it all.”
Buying a new appointment book is how I love to get things started.
Most people these days would probably go to the iTunes store and buy a calendar app or better yet, use the one that comes on their phone. But not me. I can’t get into e-books or e-calendars. I like to have something I can feel in my hands with pages to turn. So I head out to Barnes and Noble and look for the perfect choice. No plastic pocket calendars for me, although I LOVED those when I was a kid. No, I like something a little fancier. I like hard covers, and lots of pockets, and different sections full of graphs and charts. I can’t for the life of me figure out what anybody would use these graphs and charts for, but I have no doubt that the new me will use them all. I like a calendar that has blank lists, and that little envelope on the inside back cover. I have never actually used that envelope for anything…ever…but I like knowing its there. Oh, and I also love thick pages. There is just something about writing on quality paper. It makes me feel so ……..elegant.
The new me is going to be very elegant.
I look through all the calendars they have and finally pick out the perfect one for me, and then I take it home and sit at my desk and take it out of the bag. I really think this part could be made even more special if I was taking the appointment book out of a pretty box with tissue paper. I wonder if they do that if you buy one of the ultra-fancy leather ones. Oh well, I will never know – ultra fancy is out of my budget. But anyway, I take it out of the bag, I inhale the scent of my new life….the scent of infinite possibility…… and then I set it down and take my old appointment calendar out of my purse.
It’s always my intention to just take my old worn out appointment book out of my purse and put it in the box in my closet with all my other old appointment books, but this part always turns sentimental. I look at its worn cover, with the smudges all over it and the “oodles of doodles” that I am so fond of drawing. Then I open it up, shake the cookie crumbs out of it, and start flipping through the pages.
I think about how a whole year of my life is contained in that one book.
I smile as I see the due dates for all the homework projects that I worked on with my kids. When I see the doctor appointments scribbled down, I am reminded of the times they were sick and how worried I was.
I see dates that have events on them that I was so nervous about for weeks before they happened, and then I think of how those events are great memories now, and how proud of myself I am that I didn’t cancel. And I see the ones I did cancel, and feel a little guilty as I think, “I probably should have gone to that.”, and then I sigh and vow not to cancel or reschedule anything for the entire next year.
I see the beginnings of weekly meal plans that stop at “Wednesday, Breakfast” and have a giant disgusted X drawn through the rest of the week.
I see the days that my husband worked 48 hours in a row, and I remember how stressful it was at the time, being home with all 5 kids, and I think “but I got through it”. And I see my notes about the wicked PMS I had on day 21, 5 months ago and I think “but my husband got through it.”, and it occurs to me that, like me, he is a survivor. 🙂
I read my notes about my goals and my workouts and I think about how far I have come over the past year and I feel enormous satisfaction and pride in myself…that is one of my favorite parts.
Then I close the book and sigh a bit to myself as I think about how this old calendar was once shiny and new, reeking of possibility, ready to help me become the perfect woman. And I then I give a little laugh to myself and put it away…..another chapter in the Book of My Life. I think to myself that I may not have stuck to my original plot line, but I still wrote a pretty good story.
Thanks for reading and have a great day.
Photo Credit: Used Appointment Book, Flicker, Danyeela, 2014-10-planner-hinten
Photo Credit: Appointment Book and Flowers: Pixabay Public Domain
Photo Credit: New Keep Calm Appointment Book, TheWorryGames.com