The subject of grief and death is one that I don’t dive into very often because it’s a bit like my kryptonite.
It drains me in a cathartic, yet painful and ultimately exhausting kind of way – so I don’t go seeking out ways to incorporate it into a blog post.
But you can’t outrun your grief. It will always catch up to you eventually and today was one of those days for me. Rather than feel the pain and then write about it later, I just decided to put it all out there and share it with you firsthand in the video blog you will find below.
On a side note:
4 years ago, exactly 24 hours after my dad died, the power in my house went out just for a few seconds, then it came whooshing back on. I knew immediately that it was a sign from my dad that he had made it to his destination and he was okay. I just knew.
After I made this video, as I was uploading it to YouTube, my internet went out and it stayed out for a few minutes. I went downstairs to my husband and said “Is your internet out?”. He said “yes”, and then I turned around and went back upstairs and sat in my chair and I looked up and said “Dad, I know you are giving me a sign. Thank you and I love you too.” Then I waited a few seconds and I said “But can you turn my internet back on now?”
And it came back on. 🙂
My video is pretty heavy as you can probably guess from the “oh so lovely” still shot they have given me below. So if you are really having some grief issues, you may want to pass on it. It’s main purpose was really just for me to “put out to the universe” how much I miss my dad. They say that grief is love that has no place to go. I believe that is true, so I just sort of throw it up in the sky and hope it instinctively finds its way to my dad. And if not, maybe all that love can break apart like raindrops and sprinkle down on this very thirsty world.
There is a great blog called Widower’s Grief that you may want to consider though. Mark Liebenow is such a beautiful writer and his posts about grief never fail to comfort me.