The subject of grief and death is one that I don’t dive into very often because it’s a bit like my kryptonite.
It drains me in a cathartic, yet painful and ultimately exhausting kind of way – 
so I don’t go seeking out ways to incorporate it into a blog post.
But you can’t outrun your grief. It will always catch up to you eventually and today was one of those days for me. Rather than feel the pain and then write about it later, I just decided to put it all out there and share it with you firsthand in the video blog you will find below.
On a side note:
4 years ago, exactly 24 hours after my dad died, the power in my house went out just for a few seconds, then it came whooshing back on. I knew immediately that it was a sign from my dad that he had made it to his destination and he was okay. I just knew.
After I made this video, as I was uploading it to YouTube, my internet went out and it stayed out for a few minutes. I went downstairs to my husband and said “Is your internet out?”. He said “yes”, and then I turned around and went back upstairs and sat in my chair and I looked up and said “Dad, I know you are giving me a sign. Thank you and I love you too.” Then I waited a few seconds and I said “But can you turn my internet back on now?”
And it came back on. 🙂
My video is pretty heavy as you can probably guess from the “oh so lovely” still shot they have given me below. So if you are really having some grief issues, you may want to pass on it. It’s main purpose was really just for me to “put out to the universe” how much I miss my dad. They say that grief is love that has no place to go. I believe that is true, so I just sort of throw it up in the sky and hope it instinctively finds its way to my dad. And if not, maybe all that love can break apart like raindrops and sprinkle down on this very thirsty world.
There is a great blog called Widower’s Grief that you may want to consider though. Mark Liebenow is such a beautiful writer and his posts about grief never fail to comfort me.
https://youtu.be/rR77hFW4obY
I sat and cried with you. I also miss my Dad terribly. November will be 14 years ago. thank you for sharing your story. much love. Nikki
Thanks Nikki. I’m sorry for your loss too. Although I’m sorry other people are hurting too, it does help to know I’m not alone in my grief.
I’m at loss of words to be honest. But I understand this and the experience. Your strength and resilience is beyond admirable. Much love❤️
Thank you Zee. xoxo
Thank you for sharing part of your soul. Not easy to do on several levels however, I think most people can relate to your sorrow. I love your little bit of humor in your written word. Your Dad would like it too.
I must share a little bit of my husband’s death and getting a note of reassurance from him that all was well. Right after his death I was sitting on the porch wallowing in grief and begging for a sign that he was ok when suddenly a Rose-breasted Grosbeak flew past and sat in a nearby tree. I had never seen one before and took it as a sign. And now, 25 years later, a grosbeak comes to our feeder on his death date, May 4th. Embrace your sign!
Thank you for sharing your story with me Teri. It means so much to hear other people tell me that they also had signs. It gives me a bit of validation for my own signs. 🙂 But the heart doesn’t really need validation does it? It just knows. I’m so sorry about the loss of your husband.
Thank you. I’m blown away by your vulnerability and how you have shared this painful experience. I cried the whole way with you as I was watching. I’m so sorry you have lost your dad (in the physical world anyway). You made a very profound point about how the grief keeps us attached to the person, and how letting go of that grief feels like letting go of that attachment ( you said it better than I am writing it!). That struck me deeply, I believe that this is true. Part of us doesn’t want to “move on” because it feels like we are moving on without that person, and that feels too painful to bear. Thank you again for the beautiful vulnerability. It takes a STRONG person to do that. Your dad sounds amazing and I’m sure he is so proud of you.
Thank you Kathleen. I have to say, it was a bit brutal to make that video and I went back and forth about whether to post it, but I’m glad to know it touched you and I really appreciate your kindness.